Philip Shi, a scholastic from the Chinese Jesuit Province, was ordained deacon on 27 June in St Ignatius Chapel in Hong Kong. He shares a reflection on his ordination day.
It just occurred to me, in the Gospel according to St Matthew, the Lord says, “Everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother … for my sake will receive a hundred times as much and will inherit eternal life (Mt. 19:29).” Therefore, though my parents and family cannot come due to the pandemic, you are my present family and your presence, for me, is a sign that Christ’s Gospel has been fulfilled. Thank you so much!
Fr Provincial once asked me to share about Jesuit vocation. Immediately I find it so difficult, since vocation unfolds itself in time – and yet, my time as a Jesuit is not long enough. Naturally I feel like prophet Jeremiah, who said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young (Jer. 1:6).”
However, obedience is my duty as a Jesuit. Therefore, though not my own experience, I will share with you Jesuit discernment, using stories of two other Jesuits who have really moved my heart. I hope these two stories will present to you a glimpse of Jesuit discernment.
To learn discernment, one must know who he is, and who God is to him. For Jesuits, our identity is “sinners, yet loved and called by God (General Congregation 32)”. In this understanding, our life is a personal salvation history where God works. And our discernment starts with the discovery of our own unworthiness and God’s love and mercy for His people.
People think that to be a Jesuit, you must have learned so much and become so smart; thus, you learn how to discern. But our discernment is not based on being smart.
The first story is about a Filipino Jesuit, Fr Tex Paurom MD SJ. As a doctor he used to have a clinic in New York City. So successful, so smart, and yet he decided to be a Jesuit. After Ordination, he was missioned to the south of the Philippines, on the island of Mindanao, where violent terrorist attacks happen from time to time. So, he went and became a parish priest. Interestingly, his parish was as large as half of Hong Kong Island – this was a real mission with a splendid view of mountains and rivers – yet, there was no road. To reach several of the villages, sometimes he would have to move on foot so that regular visits could be secured.
One day he left his base in the morning, climbed two mountains, and crossed four rivers (there was no bridge; he just went through the water). Along his 30-kilometre journey, he visited three villages, celebrated Masses, gave homilies, anointed the sick, baptised the infants, etc. Finally, in the late afternoon, he arrived back at his mission station for rest. A certain villager was already waiting for him: one of his family members had just passed away and he would like to invite a priest to say Mass for the repose of the soul. Fr Tex told him very frankly that he was so tired and could not even continue to speak, but he promised he would say Mass for the family the next morning.
Unexpectedly, Fr Tex could not sleep that night. He heard the low sound of weeping of the family. He thought Christ must also be weeping with them, just like Christ once wept for Lazarus. And he felt so sorry because, unlike Christ, he had declined a request for help, and he failed to stand with the one suffering. Fr Tex said that since that experience, he had never rejected such request, though it might not be in the plan.
This is Jesuit discernment. From the beginning to the end of the story, you probably cannot find any rules, laws, or regulations. Yet this discernment is real, and it is done by heart.
Is it always a bad choice, then, to discern by heart, instead of relying on rules, laws, and regulations? Not necessarily. I have a second story.
Once when I was a child, the Shanghai municipal government updated our family registration booklet. This might sound strange to you because it is a Chinese system. In the booklet, all of your family members, your social relations, and your information (job, political position, profession, etc) are recorded so the officials, when reading the booklet, will know very well “who you are”. In this updated booklet, there was a new item that had never appeared before: it requested all to write down their “religion”.
At that time, the political situation was complicated, even more complicated than what we have in Hong Kong at this moment. The Catholic families were confronted with a real dilemma: Should we write down our religion and declare ourselves as “Roman Catholic”? If we don’t, Jesus says in the Gospel, “Whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my Father (Mt. 10:33)”; but if we do, then such revelation of the whole family as Catholic could bring about consequences beyond imagination.
At that time, we had a Jesuit priest among us, Fr Stephen Chen from whom I received the sacraments of Confirmation and First Communion. We all trusted him because for 25 years he was in prison and then in the labour camp. He told us, indeed, Jesus warned all to acknowledge Him in front of the public, but Jesus also said, “Be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves (Mt. 10:16).” As long as the official and national religious policy is “freedom in religion”, as written in the Chinese Constitution, then it is possible for you to be Catholic today and Buddhist tomorrow. It is not definitive yet, and when can we make a definitive option? Until the Parousia!
People laughed when he said so, and we got the answer. Thus, until today, many of the Catholic families would have this item of religion left blank in their booklets. Actually, Fr Stephen Chen had added one word. He said, “Relax! Trust in the mercy of God. If God would punish anyone, I will take the consequence because you are the faithful and I am the priest. The responsibility is mine.”
Such is Jesuit discernment. It is not about following a fixed answer sheet, but remaining in the unknown situation, and constantly trying to render “creative” service for God’s treasured sheep in suffering.
Today I especially remember Fr Stephen Chen, though he returned to the Lord many years ago. I always remember that his Christian name was Stephen, after St Stephen, the deacon whom we heard in the First Reading. Like Stephen, he served the Lord until the last moments of his life. Therefore, I’d like to ask for his prayer, and the prayers of all of you here because though I am a sinner, yet God calls me to be at your service. May God strengthen me and make me a servant with warmth and a smile.
I also hope that more and more young men would have the “creative” spirit and join us in the Society of Jesus, to be friends of Christ. He is the groom of the Church, the Church is His bride. So then, let us desire to be witnesses of His wedding celebration!