Fr Philip Shi SJ of the Chinese Jesuit Province was ordained to the priesthood on 14 August in St Ignatius Chapel, Wah Yan College Kowloon in Hong Kong. He offers this reflection written on the eve of his ordination.
I am to be ordained tomorrow. It is now 22:19, 13 August 2021. After finishing the first rehearsal with all the greatest altar boys of Wah Yan College Hong Kong and Wah Yan College Kowloon, I received one WhatsApp message from a friend in Rome. The message read: “Congratulations Fr Philip! We offered a Mass for your ordination today!” I laughed in my room not because my friend was confused about the date and time of my ordination, but because the message was the only “other kind” I had received throughout the entire day; the others had all been about the logistics and revisions of the logistics of the ordination. I feel extraordinarily grateful for this message: It is not an error, but a blessing because it reminds me that I have friends from all over the world!
A year ago, when I was just ordained as a deacon and missioned to study Canon Law in Rome, I could not foresee the highs and lows of the year. I thought, well, it would be difficult, but I would never have thought it would be so “different”.
It was different in many senses. For example, language was different. I had to pass an exam in Italian before I could register in the school, and I had only three months to improve from level zero to level B1. The community was different. We spoke only Italian during breakfast and lunch – even when sometimes during breakfast I was not yet fully awake. The class was different; the professors started from the Codes written in Latin and tried to explain them in Italian.
Thank God for a great Italian teacher, who is also a good friend of the Jesuits in Rome. She treated me more like her son instead of her student. This is not an exaggeration, because later, when I got sick with Covid, she sent me a huge box of famous Italian handmade chocolates (that I would never have dared to use my allowance to buy). Though I had eaten all of them, I still have the box. And when I see the box, from time to time, it makes me want to cry.
Also, I had great professors. I will not name them because they are very truly Jesuit professors. For example, Fr G has a strong Spanish accent even when speaking Italian. At first, I worried because I knew neither Italian nor Spanish, but one time he gave me a whole extra hour so that I could ask my questions and finally finish a deadly assignment. From him, I learned more than knowledge. Besides, we also had Fr R, who gave perfect notes and checked every lesson in our study, from the correct pronunciation of a Latin word to the right understanding of each Canon Code. He was always full of courage after commenting on many codes. He would say, “According to me, this code is USELESS!” It may seem like a sarcastic joke, but he was showing us real “critical thinking”.
Moreover, I had best friends. When my PCR test came back “positive”, my mind blanked out momentarily. Then I took a breath, collected the things I would need, and moved to the room for quarantine. It was not a bad room – in fact, it was on the first floor with a window that opened to the “cortile” (courtyard) of Bellarmino. On the second day many came to visit. They would stand in the cortile, and I would appear in the window. A little whim came to me, so I started to bless them by making the sign, which made all of us laugh. I guess you must laugh, too, if you can imagine because I just made myself like the Pope, who would bless the pilgrims from his window.
Thus, I did not find a big space for me to grieve or to be sad because I got sick. Fr Provincial sent me a message of encouragement, telling me to “be courageous because you are now part of the millions who are also suffering”. I thought: “That’s right. To be a Jesuit is not like having a magic shield that can protect us from the struggles of all others.” So I wrote him a letter in which I included all the names of those who had treated me so well since I arrived in Rome. Interestingly, as I was writing this letter, my fear and worry slowly faded away. I guess that’s what Fr George Yeung, Fr Mon Bautista, and Fr Chris Dumadag (my novice masters) taught me about gratitude: It defines our lives in front of God, and it can change everything. In fact, since I now have the natural antibodies, I was able to take care of friends in the community who also got sick with Covid afterwards.
I am grateful for the whole year. I am to be a priest and a servant of God for life. I am happy to have reached this point because I am not alone; I am well accompanied by so many even though I am an only child. My parents are well taken care of by my friends in my hometown, though we could only communicate by WeChat, and it has not been easy for me to visit them often. I think this is the most beautiful part of my vocation, that I am here to offer my life to God, and yet He is actually the one who is preparing something greater for me.
And how to cooperate with God? I don’t know how to summarise this in one phrase, since for me, God is becoming more and more like a funny companion. He knows that I need some challenges to grow out of my fear and tendency for “controlling” situations. So I got malaria in Africa, Dengue fever in Cagayan de Oro, and Covid in Rome. (I hope the list will not grow anymore, but let’s see.) Yet, every time, He left me with a braver heart. God is my great friend.
As I end this reflection, my personal reflection continues. I remember Fr Mon who told me before my First Vows in the Novitiate to be “gentle and firm”. Now I think God is making me like that, bit by bit, with His “gentle and firm” hand leading me on.