The soft waves rock as I drift on the surface, eyes half closed and trained on the dive line. My soft palate closes and opens gently with each breath of air that flows through my snorkel, regulating the airflow and creating a soothing sound known in yoga as Ujjayi or Ocean’s Breath. I feel it reverberate throughout my body, as I breathe the tension in my neck and jaw out into the sea.
Our breaths are deeply connected to our Creator. In the creation story in Genesis 2:7 the Lord breathes into man’s nostrils the breath of life. It is God’s breath that gives us life, that sustains us. The name of God that was given to Moses in Hebrew is YHWH. Scholars and rabbis note that the letters YHWH represent breathing sounds: YaH (inhale), WeH (exhale).
With a deep proclamation of YaH, I take a last full inhale, directing air into my lungs with my diaphragm, expanding my ribcage, and filling up my chest. I puff up my mouth before I remove my snorkel and pinch my nose with my left hand to equalise the pressure in my ears. I grab the rope with my right hand, turn my body upside down, and head deep into the ocean. As I pull myself down and venture into this unknown world, all that is present in my mind is the relishing of the gift of this one breath with which God has blessed me.
Thus begins my deepest Free-Immersion dive, one of the freediving disciplines. In all freediving, the key is to remain calm amidst intense stress and pressure. This helps to ensure the body conserves the use of oxygen. There is no tricking ourselves in freediving. If we are stressed, the way we hold our breath will reveal it to us. Even the types of our thoughts determine the use of oxygen in our bodies. In this vulnerable moment, we can only be aware of, acknowledge, and embrace our thoughts and feelings.
So here I am, with every pull and equalisation, going deeper into the ocean. While tropical forests are frequently referred to as the “lungs” of the earth, the ocean is the “blue heart” of our planet. It covers 70 per cent of the earth’s surface, generating more oxygen than all the world’s forests. As I dive deeper into this blue heart of our planet, it is almost like the ocean is embracing me with its pressure, engulfing me with love. I feel a sense of being in the womb of my mother and a memory of my infant baptism floats from my unconscious.
As the pressure and stress in my body increase, the air within me compresses. I start to lose buoyancy and begin to sink slowly, consumed by the ocean. I can no longer feel the air in my lungs. My mask starts to squeeze tighter into my face. The comfort of air is gone and fear begins to creep in. I acknowledge this fear rising within and recall the lesson from my theory classes: although I cannot feel it, the oxygen is still there; in fact, it is no less than it was at the surface, it is just taking up a smaller amount of space. As I embrace the discomfort, I start relaxing into my fear and calmness floods me once more. I blow air into my mask to prevent the squeeze, and soon I see the tennis ball, an indicator that I have reached the targeted depth. It is time to turn back to the surface.
I pause for a split second relishing the silence. I am alone, disconnected from all the things I am used to–the internet, gadgets, books, and people. There is none of those here, but strangely enough, I do not feel alone. There is someone sustaining me, embracing me. “Try to enjoy silence…. If you come to enjoy silence, being alone, then you will find out that you are not alone, and then you can start a conversation.” Fr Adolfo Nicolás’ words come to me.
I feel connected with all the others that depend on the ocean for survival. Day in and out, this is their life, their everything. I grow closer to understanding the spirituality and the world of the Sama-Bajau, Orang Suku Laut, Māori, Makah, Moken, and Tanka people, whose lives are intertwined with the ocean. Through Christ, the living water, I praise God for the gift of freediving, the ocean, and all who dwell and rely on it.
Then, with a tug on the line, I begin my ascent.
The air in my lungs start expanding as the pressure decreases. I am able to feel the air in my stomach and chest once again. In the last part of the dive, less energy is needed to pull me up.
Marese, my instructor and diving buddy, appears before me mid-way up. She checks my eyes for any signs of stress. Her presence calms me, assures me that I am being looked out for and that all is well. In our classes, we are taught that we must never dive alone. Although injuries are rare, loss of motor control or blackouts can happen in the last parts of the ascent, and having a buddy who knows how to keep the other safe is a matter of life and death.
The shimmer of light from the surface catches my attention and all I need to do is to let go and allow the gift of air within me to lift me to the surface. Rising out of the water, I place one hand on the buoy, exhaling the last part of God’s name. I take my recovery breath, taking in more of this gift as it rejuvenates my entire being.
Freediving is a communion affair. Though most descend into the deep alone, without a trusted other, we are splashing at death’s door. This is true not only in freediving, but in all things in life. As communal beings we need someone we can trust and rely upon. Our spiritual life is no different. Christ came into the world to accompany us on our spiritual ascent. And when we are at the toughest point in our lives, Christ reminds us that God the Creator of all things loves us.
I first learned about freediving eight years ago, and was intrigued by the spirituality it brings. The more I practise its tools and techniques, the more I notice how freediving is deeply woven into my Christian faith. Every dive revitalises my soul. Something within awakens. Many freedivers share a similar sensation. I cannot explain it any other way, except to say I hear my God calling out and reminding me how much He loves all.
In the blue heart, my colour, race, language, or faith does not matter. All are embraced in the same manner. My soul expands with profound gratitude and awe for something far greater than myself.
Jasper Ong SJ is a Jesuit brother from Singapore studying in the Philippines. He is inviting Jesuits, partners in mission, or anyone who is into the freedive lifestyle to contact him via Instagram for spiritual conversations. He hopes to do a diving or freediving Ignatian retreat someday.