One afternoon, following the catechesis for the children and individual accompaniment for a few young people, I visited friends in our previous mission area. As I walked along the street, I saw many people and children outside their homes. Some were playing while many sat idly, like those in the parable who were “waiting for someone to hire them”. Among those seated were the sisters of Maria, the child who stole my heart six years ago.
Maria’s family lives in a dark, cramped, and dirty space. Her father is in prison because of drug-related charges, and her mother seldom returns home. Her elder sister, still quite young herself, already has a child, and none of her siblings, including Maria, have had the opportunity to attend school. Every day, they sit on the side of the street “waiting for someone to see them”. The plight of Maria’s family, along with that of countless others who long to be seen, pierces my heart. God desires all of us, His children, to know that He sees us, that He truly loves us, and not in the way Maria and many of us presently experience.
Undoubtedly, difficulties are a part of life. However, facing them without the knowledge that God sees us and loves us unconditionally leads to a sense of despair. This year, the Center for Ignatian Spirituality (CIS) Philippines offered its summer programmes to form and train Ignatian retreat guides and spiritual directors who can help others notice God’s ways of seeing and loving. In this way, they can be aware of their reactions towards God, deepening their relationship with Him and applying the fruits of this relationship in their daily lives.
I personally felt seen by God when He gifted me with the opportunity to participate in the CIS summer programmes. Throughout the training, I encountered both reluctance and appreciation for the call to ministry. Initially, I sensed a natural inclination towards it. Since I experienced deep joy, I thought this inclination must have come from God. However, as the formation process intensified and I focused on my own limitations, fear began to creep in. I asked myself, “What am I doing here?” In that moment of seeing not through the lens of love but through the perspective of fear, God, in his boundless love, assured me that it is He who calls me to the ministry. He revealed to me in many instances, especially during prayer, when sharing with my group mates and other companions, and through practical and supervision experiences, that I am where He wants me to be. Because of His assurance, I regained my sight and began to see the other marvellous gifts from God.
CIS became our big sister or big brother, who helped us discover God’s ways of seeing us. They skillfully planned the curriculum, generously provided us with highly skilled resource persons, and lovingly structured the programme in a way that ensured we not only learned practical skills but also had deep encounters with ourselves, our companions, and God. Thus, our sharing of experiences became exceptionally deep and bound by trust, such that even within a short period of time, my companions and I learned to see one another in a new light. We started seeing ourselves as part of the other because of our shared experiences of being seen and deeply loved by God.
Another precious gift I received was the experience of seeing my lay companions and facilitators, marvelling at how God works wonders through them. They are so gifted, humble, and blessed with deep experiences of God’s love. I am absolutely amazed and hold great appreciation for their person and their gifts for spiritual direction and retreat giving. In fact, I was moved to ask one of them to guide me on my annual eight-day retreat. My admiration for them extends to a genuine desire for others to see and appreciate God in them because they are truly gifts to the Church.
While the summer programmes may have ended, our mission to help our brethren notice that God sees them is only just beginning, with Him who constantly whispers in the depths of our hearts, “I see you.”
Sr Hazel Ladiero ADC is from the Handmaids of the Divine Heart, or Spínola Sisters. She is currently studying MA in Spirituality and Retreat Directing at the Loyola School of Theology in Manila and assigned is to the formation and accompaniment of the Spínola Youth in Quezon City. After attending CIS’ training programmes last summer, she was inspired to apply for and is now part of the CIS Apprenticeship Program.