Newly ordained Jesuits Fr Melvin Paulme (third from left), Fr Rico Adapon SJ (third from right), and Fr Alejo Sarcilla San Buenaventura SJ (second from righ) with Bishop Raul Bautista Dael of the Diocese of Tandag, Philippine Provincial Fr Xavier Olin SJ (extreme right) and Loyola House of Studies Rector Fr Chris Dumadag SJ (extreme left)

After graduating from college, it never dawned on me that I would one day consider religious life. All I wanted was a comfortable life for myself and my family. I considered working abroad, but that never happened. I even had a girlfriend, with whom I seriously considered settling down, but God had other plans.

I became interested in my calling and in vocation in general, particularly the idea of entering religious life, in 2000 after a weekend retreat. As I contemplated this vocation, I noticed that I had started attending Mass regularly and spending time in the adoration chapel, wrestling with the idea of being called to this life. As I nourished this “call” in and through prayers, I eventually began searching for a religious congregation that would address my desire to serve other people.

At first I thought of becoming a missionary. Back in the 90s, I came across Jesuit Volunteers Philippines through an advertisement featuring a man enjoying his time with an indigenous community. I was attracted to that kind of community service and involvement. However, instead of becoming a Jesuit volunteer, I ended up attending a Jesuit vocation seminar with Fr Richard Ella, who was then part of the vocation promotions team. I later entered Arvisu Jesuit Candidacy House.

My closest friends laughed when I shared my discernment with them. They never thought I would be the type to enter religious life. My family, especially my mother, was not enthusiastic. I told them just before entering. She didn’t say it directly, but I knew she didn’t want me to pursue this path. It was my father who gave me the blessing. I even shared with him my anxiety and the possibility of not being accepted, but he reassured me, “Kung hindi ka nila tanggapin, balik ka lang sa amin; dito tanggap na tanggap ka.” [If they do not accept you, just come back to us; here you are always welcome.]

Rico Adapon SJ during his Regency as a Jesuit brother at Ateneo de Naga University High School

I applied to become a Jesuit brother. At the time, I believed that was God’s calling for me, but I was also afraid I couldn’t bear the demands of the priesthood. I thought I wasn’t good enough. Still, I was happy as a Jesuit brother. I enjoyed the company of my fellow brothers and felt at home with them. I admire their humility, happiness, care, love, and hard work. I want to be like them.

After three years in Cebu, I was asked to do Tertianship. I never expected that a call to the priesthood would surface during my Tertianship in Portland, Oregon. This time, the call was even stronger. I shared with my fellow tertian, Fr Jody Magtoto SJ, how persistent God’s call felt. Just before entering the 30-day retreat, I asked the Lord to help me decide clearly whether to accept His invitation to become a priest.

As I finally came to believe that God was indeed calling me to the priesthood, I experienced doubts again. Fears and discouragement came up in my prayers. I saw myself as unworthy, sinful, and weak. How could I possibly aspire to become a priest with all these shortcomings? My tertian master, Fr Charlie Moutenot SJ advised me not to listen to those “voices” telling me I was not worthy of God’s call. Instead, he encouraged me to focus on the voice of God, inviting, trusting, and believing in me. I don’t remember how many times I needed to hear “don’t be afraid” before I was finally able to focus on God’s invitation to follow Him and become a priest.

Upon returning from Tertianship, I spoke with then Philippine Provincial Fr Jun Viray about my desire to become a priest and discussed with him the next steps. I was willing to embrace the challenge for the love of God and the Society of Jesus. I needed to hear God’s words again: “Don’t be afraid; I am with you; we’ll do this together.”

Looking back, I realise God gave me those years as a brother to purify my desire to follow His call. I needed to be pruned, to mature, and to grow in every aspect of my Jesuit life. I believe I have grown emotionally and spiritually, though I am far from an ideal Jesuit. I am grateful for the past 20 years of choosing and believing that I am called for a greater purpose. I am willing to continue the journey, armed with God’s assurance: “Don’t be afraid; I am with you; we’ll do this together.”