I am a Franciscan missionary in Macau, China. I came to the Philippines last year to study English. Back in Macau I did pastoral work for students from kindergarten to high school. I taught catechism, religion subjects, the Bible, and also organised activities for them. I was always very busy. I was burnt out and felt like I needed to renew myself. After learning English, my provincial gave me a chance to study at the East Asian Pastoral Institute (EAPI), so I took the Pastoral Experience and Renewal for Mission programme.
In EAPI, I felt rested. It was a very special place because we were an international community yet I felt very comfortable. At first I felt a little afraid, not knowing the kind of people I would be living with in the next four months. But it took only one day for me to change my mind. Everybody was very kind and welcoming. They were interested to know me and my life. The priests, sisters and lay people were very open and I felt a connection with them. This made it easy for me to open up my heart.
I learned a lot about myself while there. In fact, I saw who I really am. During one trip, we visited a poor community in Payatas. I was really shocked. The people were so poor. I wondered how they were able to live in a very small, dark and dirty house. It made me ask, “Is God here?”
Then one of the children gently pulled my hand and invited me to come inside her house. I was very touched and I started crying. I asked God, “What are you doing to me now?”
God knows our fears. He knows what we are afraid of. He wanted to show me: Yes, they are poor; you were also poor. I already saved you, but they are still there.
The little girl’s mother was so young. I felt sympathy and pity for her, but then I thought of Mother Mary. She was young too when she had Jesus, and they were poor. The young mother was just like Mother Mary!
“Then one of the children gently pulled my hand and invited me to come inside her house. I was very touched and I started crying. I asked God, ‘What are you doing to me now?’”
Once while walking, I passed by children playing on the street. Suddenly, they were chasing me. I got nervous. Why were they running to me? I thought maybe they wanted food or money. But when they reached me, all they wanted was to take my hand and ask for my blessing!
I realised how much I had misunderstood. I needed to change how I looked at them. Are they just beggars? No, they are my friends. I am their sister.
God knows our fears. I used to be afraid of going to poor areas. But not anymore. My experience has led me to understand God more. This is my life. This is our life as sisters. I think it is beautiful to know that God is here with the poor.
This reflection is part of a series of personal stories of conversion from participants of the East Asian Pastoral Institute’s residential programmes, which run for four or six months.
